Chronic Fever

So yeah, it's been awhile.
I'll make this short.
I've had a low grade fever ranging from 99.9-101.7 for the past 2 month.
I've seen about 5 doctors.
I've had blood draw after blood draw, 9 blood cultures, and a full cardiac work-up.
Nothing.
I have had miscellaneous symptoms but nothing is constant.
Dizziness, palpitations, random weight loss, chills, sweats, nausea, vomiting/diarrhea, fatigue..ect.
I've been put on 3 different antibiotics, all of which were stopped because there was no change, so it's best not to stay on them.
The one thing I do know is that I'm not contagious, and I'm not dying.
So yeah. The end.

Sarah needs YOUR help!

"I'm not going for easy, I'm just going for possible" 

- Janet Murnaghan. (Sarah's mother)

This beautiful, brave little girl is Sarah Murnaghan.  Diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at one year old, Sarah, now at only 10 years old, is dying.  She is in desperate need of a double lung transplant or she will die within weeks.  Sarah has been listed for over 18 months, as pediatric lungs are very few and far between.  The only thing standing in her way is a UNOS rule (United Network for Organ Sharing).  This rule states that while Sarah can be listed for adult lungs she may only receive them if all other adults/adolescents (over the age of 12) in the area turn them down, regardless of how sick they are.

Sarah's parents and supporters are fighting to have that rule changed.  They are not looking to take lungs from people who are sicker than Sarah, they just want to give Sarah, and other children, a fair shot at survival.  If Sarah were just 2 years older, she would, most likely, have gotten her life saving transplant by now.

Sarah's story has been taken up by many news channels, here is just one of the interviews. 
Another news story


Ways you can help: 
Sign the petition!

SHARE her story! 
Facebook, twitter, word of mouth, they all help. The more people we reach, the better the chance that we get this rule changed!

and of course,
Register to become an Organ Donor, today!


Click here to learn more about Cystic Fibrosis!

it's been awhile..

I suppose it has been awhile since I last posted. I'm not really sure what to post, things haven't been good.
Going through a lot of physical and emotional struggles. I've been doing physical therapy for my back, this should be the last week of that actually. Mentally I'm not really sure if I can fully put into words at this time. But to sum it up, I've been feeling like a total and complete let down to my family. I feel like they drew the short straw, got the raw end of the deal, that type of thing.
yeah, I'm done for now. just wanted to post something.

Momma Duck

just a quick recap of what has been going on with my mom. in no particular order. (and grammatically incorrect lol.)
I also have no idea why the hell it keeps posting with the white background thing. GRRR

Mom had been sick for 7 weeks with pneumonia. she ended up in the hospital.

they still don't know what she has. they do know it's NOT contagious. they sent samples of everything to a few different places (CDC..ect)

but she saw 3 different pulmos and they all had the same reaction..."wow" and my mom was like "is that a good wow or a bad wow?" obviously it was a bad wow.

her sats had been stable and then one day they randomly went to the low 80s on 2L of o2. so they did a bronch and sucked out over 3 cups of mucus. when I met with her pulmo (the one she ended up staying with) I asked about different diseases/conditions and tests and results. he actually said the words "you know too much" after he left my mom goes "okay..what did you say and what did he say?" he actually said the words "you know too much".

once she was "stable" her docs decided it was safer to send her home to be in my "fully capable hands" than to have her stay there and risk contracting another infection. if she gets sick again in the next few months it could end really bad. I had to order her a HEPA filter mask for if she leaves the house (for dr appointments and such, also for when the construction starts on my house (from hurricane sandy)) she's not allowed to go Xmas or grocery shopping, or anywhere with big crowds without her HEPA mask. and I went over the house with the pledge & antibacterial wipes. she's always had a pretty non existent immune system (respiratory wise). and no one really knows why since her blood cell count is fine. years ago her doc told her she had Chronic Bronchitis (a type of COPD) but her new pulmo said that was unlikely since she never smoked. although when he did the bronch he said it did have the appearance of COPD. (you can now see why my health is so stubborn lol)

anyway, the doc said it will be a few months before she even starts to get back to normal. =[

 so yeah, that's what's going on with momma duck.

P.S. funny story.

my mom wanted a mask attachment for her neb so she can read while she does treatments. so my dad, trying to be helpful, went to the pharmacy and got one. my mom comes into my room later and goes "dad got me a mask for the neb but I can't seem to figure out how to get it on" I go upstairs and look at it. Silly daddy got a Pari mask which doesn't fit on regular nebs. my mom turns to my dad and goes "I appreciate the effort hun, but leave the lung stuff to the kid"

I love my family 

My Fighting Zebra

My Fighting Zebra, Melissa, is finally at rest.

Melissa went into hospice in early March, and was not expected to last more than a few days.
but true to form, she managed to make it for another 7 months.


It is hard to explain the feelings I have right now. Of course it is heartbreaking to lose someone like her, but at the same time, I know she was ready to be free of pain. In a way, I was ready too.

After watching her suffer in pain and struggle to breathe for so long, peace became the blessing. We had talked about it many times, knowing there was no amount of medicine that could even take the edge off and that there was no chance of improvement, we began accept and even welcome the "end".


Melissa was a true inspiration to anyone that knew her. Despite her illness she always managed to smile and laugh; And those around her couldn't help but do the same. Her joy was contagious and she brought out the best in people. Melissa's love for her family and friends was second to none, her loyalty and generosity unmatched. She had a heart of pure gold. Not a day will go by without me remembering her. I have only known her for about 3 years but in that time our bond became one of the strongest I've ever had.

Zebra & Ducky. 

Best Friends Forever.

Breathe Easy my Fighting Zebra,

may you finally have the peace you deserve.

March 12th, 1983 - October 24th, 2012

Delightful Dying with Daniella

yeah, it started with D puking. IN MY CAR!!! (well first there was the driving in insane rain, but I'm used to that)
...well...she puked in a bag, which of course had a hole in it. so needless to say as soon as I pulled over....I puked. (due to my newly unimproved gag refles) so yeah, there was a rite aid across the street. we went in and got some resolve, some paper towels & lysol. after we sprayed down my car we then walked into this crazy/cheap/trashy clothing store because D puked all over herself. so she was forced to wear pants that said "sexy girl" down the leg. I LOLd.
but yeah, then we had to ask someone for directions to the hiking place (the GPS wouldn't find it) so I found this guy who seemed confident he knew where it was, of course he was wrong. I finally pulled over once we had nearly gotten back to the highway. I used the GPS in my phone and found it. we finally got there, checked in and wandered off to the trail. when I stopped for lunch D just munched on some bread crusts for fear of puking again. then randomly she felt fine. which was awesome.

we followed the trail like good little hikers, it was full of super steep paths. we got to this one point and bam, we lost the trail. I decided to wander down to the waterfall to take pix and then we could just head back in the direction we came. and I noticed a random tree with blue on it (we were on the blue trail) so I looked around and finally found some other trees with blue. we start following them and come to marker number 15, which is supposedly the end of the trail but it's like....in the middle of the woods. so we're like WTF. I kept following the blue and found marker number 14. and I was like...ARE YOU SERIOUS. so somehow we wandered off the trail, and landed on the other side of it, which still ended in the middle of the woods. so we followed the trail (I guess backwards) and since it was backwards it was allllll up the steep hills. we finally came to the place where we lost the trail. and I'm like "how did we miss this, the trail is clearly marked" well when we got to the top of the hill and looked down the trail we just climbed....guess what, they marked the wrong side of the trees. therefore standing at the top of the hill, you would have no idea that that was the trail (there are other unmarked trails all over so it's hard to tell where you're supposed to go without the markers) so yeah, we decided to just go back up through to the beginning of the trail (ALL the uphill) which still leaves me with the question "WHY THE HELL DID THE TRAIL END IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS"
and yeah, WE WERE DYINGGGGGGGGGG. I also managed to sweat through 3 shirts, my pants & the straps of the backpack I had on. Heat and humidity are not my friends.

So we get back to the main building, I checked us out, and as I'm getting into the car, the sky opens up into a massive thunderstorm. freakin POURING. but whatever, we get back onto the highway. and guess what, suddenly the world forgot what rain is. D & I were joking that everyone was like "what is this mysterious liquid falling from the sky? how do we act? what do we do?" point being, we passed a plethora of accidents. (one of which JUST happened, like right in front of us, and another one was just a single car that spun out and destroyed itself, the driver had already been taken away in the ambulance by the time we got to it) and yeah. there were just idiots everywhere. seriously, people forgot how to drive.

so of course as we're driving home D's grandma calls saying they have dinner reservations at 5:30....our ETA is 5:50. so we're like freaking out. hahaha. they got the reservations changed to 6 something but she still had to be home by 6. well yeah, we got back to my house at 6:03. then D had to drive to her house, and change, by 6:15. I mean she lives around the corner, but still lol.

Also, my gas light decided to come on and I was like AHHHHHHHH. but that is a problem for another day. THE END

Rape

This is a serious post that I felt the need to post because I'm pretty fed up with people these days.

Rape.
Rape is NOT a joke. under any circumstances. I don't care if you think you're being funny, I don't even care if you're quoting someone or something else. If you feel the need to bring it up, do so with 1 or 2 people who you know very well. Rape should never be brought up in a social setting, a room full of people, some of whom you don't know. You have no idea who could be in that room. You don't know if someone in that room was raped. Recently or in the past, rape scars you for life. Anyone who has gone through this horrific experience, knows all too well that their life was changed forever. And to hear someone, whether it be a stranger or a friend, "joke" about rape. It hurts. A lot. It can trigger flash backs, fits of rage and overwhelming emotions.



For those of you who don't know, I was raped July 5th, 2005. I was 16. I knew the person, I was dating him. I never pressed chargers. I didn't even tell anyone for years. I regret not going to the police now, and I would advice  others in the situation to do so. It will be hard at first, and that is what I was afraid of. But in the end, it will be worth it. Especially if you go to the police right after it happened. The more evidence the better. It will result in the man being put in jail and marked as a sexual predator for life. Which can help keep it from happening to someone else.


Conclusion:

If you are someone who feels the need to joke about rape, or speak lightly of it, learn to think before you open your mouth. You may not be trying to be hurtful or offensive but I assure you, you are! Honestly, it is not something that should ever be joked about regardless of where you are. But if you're stupid enough to do so, you're probably not bright enough to even realize how ignorant & heartless you sound.


If you have been raped....I urge you to seek help, even if you choose not to go to the police, talk to someone about it, family, a friend, a therapist. Don't wait, it just makes it harder.