Sunday, February 21, 2010

Liberty, Loved & Lost.

Dear Liberty,

You impacted me more than I ever thought you could. I never thought we'd really lose you. I knew things had gotten bad, but I guess I just expected you to bounce back like you always do. You're so precious, and so very innocent. Your eyes, your magnificent bright blue eyes, they simply melt my heart. Though I never had the blessing of meeting you, I felt a strong connection, You're my little CHD sister. I wish I could have protected you. I wish there was something more I could have done. Your mommy and daddy love you so very much. I cant even imagine what they're feeling right now. I just know that when we lost you, a piece of all of us died along with you. In just those few short years you prove to be a true warrior, and a force to be messed with. We know you gave it your all. In the end, it was just too much. God needed you. Your brilliant smile will continue to touch hearts. You will never, ever be forgotten.

I love you Liberty.
Rest in peace precious angel.

Love Always,
Your CHD sister,

Dear Kellee & Mike,

My heart breaks for you both. After all the struggling you're family has gone through to provide the very best life possible for Liberty, God chose to take her home. Although its comforting to know that she is no longer suffering, it also crushes me that she couldn't know the same peace while here on Earth. She deserves the comfort that she has received but I wish you didn't have to let her go in order for her to feel it. I just want you both to know how honored I am to know you and how honored I am to have known your little girl. It is something I'll treasure forever.
I also want you to know how utterly impressed I am that you decided to donate her eyes, the fact that you managed to bring yourselves to improve the life of another child, while dealing with the heartbreak of losing your own. One thing I know, whoever receives those beautiful bright blue eyes will be eternally grateful.

Love Always,

(all pictures below were done by me)

Friday, February 19, 2010

Welcome to the Jungle!

So we'll start with last Monday.

Monday: class at 10am. home at noon. at work by 2:45pm.
Tuesday: go home at 7am (yes. I did a double shift), 7:30am get in the shower. 8am go to bed. 1:45pm wake up. back at work by 2:45. 11:30pm go home!
Wednesday: class at 10am. home at noon. at work by 2:45pm. home by midnight.
Thursday: at work by 2:45pm. home by midnight.
Friday: I'm OFF! FINALLY.
Saturday: at work by 2:45pm. home by midnight.

Sunday: at work by 2:45pm. home by midnight. CRAZY FREAKIN NIGHT!!!
Monday: slept through class...slept all day.
Tuesday: work by 2:45pm. home by midnight.
Wednesday: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!!!!!!

So Wednesday. Good 'ol 4west freakin exploded!
ok, not really. but I will attempt to put it into perspective. (it wont work)

We're full. no empty beds, let alone rooms!
thats 42 patient. and yeah. there was only 2 PCTs (thats me)
ugh Running around all night cant show my face in the hall without 3 ppl calling my name. confused patients refusing to stay in bed. one guy actually pulled out of his restraints, got out of bed, grabbed the bag of his roommate's foley cath and started walking away (need I remind you the other end of the cath was still inside his roommate's bladder & penis!!!)

it was chaos like that all night.

and right as I'm about to leave. another patient. had a bit of an episode. she ripped off her oxygen, pulled out her IV, crapped all over her bed, and snapped the IV tubing. (this woman is hard to handle as shes like 90% blind, hard of hearing and VERY large.) it took 4 of us (the shift was already over for all 4 of us, but hey, what can ya do about it?) so, we finally changed the sheets and a nurse gave her atavan (I cant spell) but it didnt seem to help. because just when we thought things were calm (and we'd gone and put our coats on) I peek back in as I'm walking out. and what do I see on the floor? Urine!! she ripped out her foley cath!! GAHHH!! Thats it! I'm done! its 20mins past the end of my shift! the bloody night staff can handle this one!!

now, moving on to last night.
Well first off, they called me in early because as I've said. My floor is a freakin zoo! So I got to work at about 12:30pm. That part was relatively ok, with the exception of one combative woman who thought we were all out to get her. (I couldnt even take her temp without her flailing and screaming, she actually kicked a coworker)

so 3pm rolls around. tis my shift now. I got my vital signs done quickly and without interruption! FOR ONCE! but as soon as I finished hell broke lose! again! 3 people called my name...LITERALLY...all at the same time!!!
"Katelyn, did you get my accuchecks?"
"Katelyn, we need to change 450D"
"Katelyn, I need you to move 448W into 445W"


So accuchecks come first! Finally got those done!

"Katelyn why havent you moved 448 yet?"


So I move 448! Then I go back to get the rest of the furniture. and once again I'm called away!

So we're in changing a patient. the reason I say "we" and not "I" is because this is a large person who I coulnt possibly move alone.
So I'm in there changing. the patient is whining that we're hurting her.
Patient: "if I didnt have to sit in it so long it would come off easier"
Nurse A: "Katelyn when a patient has Cdif you has to expect alot of diherah and check during first rounds, her family told us shes been dirty since the begining of the shift"
I keep my mouth shut.

but now let me tell you the full story.

a) I know all about the Cdif rules, I was the one that suggested she be tested for Cdif in the firs place, after her first episode of liquid stool the night before!
b) She hadnt been sitting in it long, as I said, its LIQUID therefore, it dries faster than a solid would!
c) I did check her on first rounds and she was clean.
d) she wouldnt even know if she wasnt, as she is NEVER awake for more than 15 seconds at a time.
e) her family wasnt even there at the begining of the shift. they had just gotten there.

but like I said. I didnt say any of this to Nurse A.

This patient has no self respect at all, and had been refusing to take her meds. I mean seriously if you dont care about yourself, dont expect others to care. If you're not gonna try to get better than why bother coming to the hospital.

The whole time we're in there changing the patient I'm getting lectured about things I already know. and have already done. having orders barked at me like I'm stupid.
While this nurse is just tossing things about and shoving things aside, making a disaster of the room I spent like 20mins cleaning and organizing the night before. Then she sends me out to get another pack of whipes, so I take off my gown & gloves and go wash my hands with soap and water, not the sanitizer (because these are the rules of Cdif) while I'm washing the nurse barks "Hurry it up a bit" so I do. I go and get the whipes. As I come back with them she says "before you get a gown back on go grab some diapers" And I do. (all this running back and forth is normal, but usually I get a bit more appreciation, or thanks, or at least spoken to like a person. but this time, the tone in her voice, its like shes talking to a freakin dog!) I start crying. I'm standing outside the room hold the diapers, crying. Finally I open the door. Slip in, put them on the chair, and run back out.

I go around the corner, off my unit and just sob. for like 10mins. Then, Nurse B. (a very nice nurse) comes running over and pulls me out of sight, and does the whole "are you ok?" "whats wrong?" "what happened?" thing. and I realize I'm being pathetic. I whipe my face but tears just keep coming. I explain somewhat to her. and also explain that I dont blame Nurse A, and I know its just a crazy night. but it still got to me. Nurse B understands, and tells me I can always talk to the nursing manager if its something I really have a problem with.

I pull myself together slightly and go back to my unit. Mary (my fellow PCT) comes out and sees me, and hugs me. and tells me "its all part of the learning experience, and mistakes will be made (which slightly bugs me because I didnt make a mistake, but she doesnt know that, so I let it go) ok, maybe I made a mistake by crying at work. but whatever. Then Mary leaves for dinner. So I wander down to the locker room so wash my face off. (being stopped 3 times by ppl asking whats wrong, since my eyes are still falling out of my face)

I leave the locker room. and go back about my work. Its dinner time for the patients so I just go down the hallway and ask the patients if they're ok, and if they need anything. I get into the room of who I think is one of only 2 mentally stable patients on my side of the unit as of then. (now I think theres 4 sane ppl) so I go in. and I ask her the usual questions, she asks for some soup as hers has been boiled over in th kitchen and delivered to her almost empty. I tell her I'll go see if I can accuire some fresh tomatoe soup. and I guess I had a hint of 'crying' still in my voice cuz she goes "whats wrong hunny?" and I nearly start crying all over again. Its never good when a patient sees/hears/knows you're crying.

When Mary comes back from dinner she hands me a Hersey bar an I grin. She laughs and says "you're never hard to please" and I agree. and laugh.

Anyway. the rest of the night went ok. was still crazy, but not bad.

soooooo yeah. Now I'm getting ready to go back to work. again.
at least I'm off this weekend.