Work Work Work

Well FINALLY!!!!
today was my first day back to work!
GOSH! I missed it so much!
I missed everything, I missed my co-workers, I missed the patients, I missed my job!
It was sooooo great to be back!
It was even better because it was Mary's birthday. and when she walked in I jumped up and yelled "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARY!" and shes like "YOU'RE BACK?!?"
and then we had a hug! and it was nice!

As most of you know, I've decided it was best for me to go back as a part timer.
Full time was a bit too much for me, and this way I'll have time to go back to school this semester. (I was off for the summer & didnt go back in fall because of my health problems)
So in January I'll be going back to school!
I'll also now have the opportunity to work more than 20hrs / week without having to work 40hrs.

All in all, I'm just Super glad to be back, doing what I love!!!

<3<3<3

Stressing continued.

nothing in any particular order. its all just spewn about.

not going to london. again. one of my best friends mite not live long enough for me to get out there. (looking at march/april) i've had it with everything that happens to her. and i wish there was something more i could do to help her. work wants me to start back (origanlly tomrrow) but i said no. and im interviewing tomorrow for a cicu position. earliest i would start is monday. which means i may or may not be able to go on my other trip to CT. oh yeah and my family thanksgiving in missouri is also cancelled. i cant quit my job cuz if i quit i cant go on unemployment. my lung function is down again. which sucks cuz i have to goback to work. also my kidneys are being whores. im totally panicking about going back to school. a CF friend died, and no one saw it coming. i was actually hoping to go see her next week. i'm afraid to check my balance in my bank account. i cant deal with my dad anymore. little things keep setting me off. my sleeping pills arnt working anymore. i guess i've given up all hope on greg. i've been sitting at my sewing maching since 10am and i havnt done anything yet.

STRESSING!

stressing over life I guess. time is running out before I go back to work. I havnt yet decided what unit I wanna work on. I have to find out if they're gonna let me come back the 2nd week of december cuz I have to know if I'm going to London cuz I have to figure out what to do with the international phone.

I also have the opportunity to go to Missouri for Thanksgiving.
but if I go to Missouri then I'll be going straight from there to London, which would mean an absurd amount of packing.
but I really wanna do both

but then as soon as I get back I'll be going back to work so I dont know when Mebsie is gonna be able to come out, and when we're gonna be able to go see Melissa.

its like on the one hand, I'm desperate to go back to work cuz I love my job, plus, with Christmas coming, I need the money. but on the other hand I'm dreading it, cuz I love being able to just spontaneously do something.

and I REALLLLLY need to get working on school stuff because I'm supposed to go back to school in January, which I'm dreading but I need to get the ball rolling.
but I cant even start studying without freaking out. and its making me want to just give up. I'm starting to think I just cant do it!

plus, I dont wanna be a new nurse at the age of 30, its not even worth it by that point.