So lost without you

The first guy I meet. the first decent guy I meet.
The first one I let in. the first one I let truly see me.
The first guy I feel like I can really trust.
In over five years. Since my rape.

Tells me he doesnt label relationships. 'they are what they are'
And doesn't think of me as a 'girlfriend' but simply a 'friend'


I wish I knew that before I started letting him in.
Before we kissed.
Before I started falling for him.



I can't believe I let myself fall so hard, so fast.
I'm so stupid.
I want my mom.




Taken from my 'Duck Facts' not on facebook:
-I love too fast.
-I trust too easily.
-I need my mom more than anyone will ever know.

Update

Right, So heres a few updates.

I has a new boy of interest. (as of July 23rd) and he rocks :)


Also I've been out of work since the 29th of July. and will be out for awhile longer. I'm officially on medical leave.

Started with High blood pressure. which was fixed by changing my meds and adjusting my pacemaker. (161/141 was my usual for a few days)

Then the fun started.
Dizziness, floaters, passing out. Daily.
we've established its not my heart. I'm jumping around from doctor to doctor.
Neurologist, Optomologist, ENT. & more.

Checking cell counts, kidney function, and everything else under the sun.

its annoying. I miss my job. I just want them to figure out what it is, fix it, and let me get on with my life.