Frustrations

So yeah, went to register for classes today.
FAIL.
neither of the 2 classes I needed were open. and its only the first day for in person registration.
and I couldnt register online because I was out last semester because I was sick.
BULL.
So I registered for the ONLY class I can possibly take in the nursing program.
(a class that they originally told me I didnt need to take because I had taken it at another school)
but FINE.
I'll take it, just for the sake of taking a class so I can keep my 3.75GPA. and have the option of online registration next semester.

Also, I found out today, that at this school, I need 3 math classes before I can get in the nursing program. as opposed to the 2 I needed at the other school (1 of which I already took)


I'm so fed up.
I'm obviously not cut out for this.
I'm starting to think I should just give up.

Car Accident

so I got in my first car accident today. 6yrs of driving. perfect record. ruined.
I cried, for hours.

I was in a turn only lane to get off the highway.
and some lady in the next lane over decided she wanted to be in the gas station.
and merged into me.
then got out of her car and started screaming at me, even though it was clearly her fault.
I called the cops.
and the dude at the gas station like yelled at me saying "why did you even call the cops? why didnt you just tell her you'd pay for her car?"

I didnt answer, I just closed my window, but I was thinking. "what the fuck is wrong with him, why would I pay for her car?"

and then the cop was like 12. not really obviously. he was convinced I needed an ambulance cuz I was shaking so bad, I was just really shook up. but he was rather obnoxious, and didnt know what he was doing. so I'm counting on the insurance company to work it all out.

its obvious by the damage on my car that it was her fault (like the location of the scratches)


but yeah, my mom met me at the gas station that I pulled into, and followed me home where I had to redo my makeup which was all over my face due to me crying.
the drove me to work.

I'm epicly tired. and I dont know why I'm still awake.
I feel like crap. have had a fever all day. and I'm not happy about it.
ah well. good night everyone.

whats new in the duck pond

So yeah, its been awhile.
Still working! as you know I'm only part time now, but its going good.
Registering for school next week.
with the weather my health has been up & down.
also me upper ear piercing on my left ear got all infected again.
It was really weird. it was totally fine, I just took the earrings out to soak them. and there was a weird bump in my ear, I squeezed it, and BAM! explosion of infectious goo! so yeah, I guess I opened up the infection again and its like ouchy again.
I'm not happy.
but yeah, moving on.

I went upstate NY to joanie's with Daniella & my family. it was nice.





then I stayed with Cindy for 2 days.
we went grocery shopping, hung out with her friend john,
oh and got locked out!
then we were bums, and laid in bed watching movies for 24hrs!







Locked out




So yeah, thats about it. I'm currently at my friends house playing with her and her adorable children!

Lots of love everyone!
Breathe Easy<3

Work Work Work

Well FINALLY!!!!
today was my first day back to work!
GOSH! I missed it so much!
I missed everything, I missed my co-workers, I missed the patients, I missed my job!
It was sooooo great to be back!
It was even better because it was Mary's birthday. and when she walked in I jumped up and yelled "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARY!" and shes like "YOU'RE BACK?!?"
and then we had a hug! and it was nice!

As most of you know, I've decided it was best for me to go back as a part timer.
Full time was a bit too much for me, and this way I'll have time to go back to school this semester. (I was off for the summer & didnt go back in fall because of my health problems)
So in January I'll be going back to school!
I'll also now have the opportunity to work more than 20hrs / week without having to work 40hrs.

All in all, I'm just Super glad to be back, doing what I love!!!

<3<3<3

Stressing continued.

nothing in any particular order. its all just spewn about.

not going to london. again. one of my best friends mite not live long enough for me to get out there. (looking at march/april) i've had it with everything that happens to her. and i wish there was something more i could do to help her. work wants me to start back (origanlly tomrrow) but i said no. and im interviewing tomorrow for a cicu position. earliest i would start is monday. which means i may or may not be able to go on my other trip to CT. oh yeah and my family thanksgiving in missouri is also cancelled. i cant quit my job cuz if i quit i cant go on unemployment. my lung function is down again. which sucks cuz i have to goback to work. also my kidneys are being whores. im totally panicking about going back to school. a CF friend died, and no one saw it coming. i was actually hoping to go see her next week. i'm afraid to check my balance in my bank account. i cant deal with my dad anymore. little things keep setting me off. my sleeping pills arnt working anymore. i guess i've given up all hope on greg. i've been sitting at my sewing maching since 10am and i havnt done anything yet.

STRESSING!

stressing over life I guess. time is running out before I go back to work. I havnt yet decided what unit I wanna work on. I have to find out if they're gonna let me come back the 2nd week of december cuz I have to know if I'm going to London cuz I have to figure out what to do with the international phone.

I also have the opportunity to go to Missouri for Thanksgiving.
but if I go to Missouri then I'll be going straight from there to London, which would mean an absurd amount of packing.
but I really wanna do both

but then as soon as I get back I'll be going back to work so I dont know when Mebsie is gonna be able to come out, and when we're gonna be able to go see Melissa.

its like on the one hand, I'm desperate to go back to work cuz I love my job, plus, with Christmas coming, I need the money. but on the other hand I'm dreading it, cuz I love being able to just spontaneously do something.

and I REALLLLLY need to get working on school stuff because I'm supposed to go back to school in January, which I'm dreading but I need to get the ball rolling.
but I cant even start studying without freaking out. and its making me want to just give up. I'm starting to think I just cant do it!

plus, I dont wanna be a new nurse at the age of 30, its not even worth it by that point.

F**k This!

FUCK FUCK FUCK!
My trip was cancelled.
now I'm out a boatload of cash.
I'd just finished packing yesterday. and now I'm not going
I had to cancel all the fun stuff I had scheduled.
My dad got brought into the hospital last night,
and is in surgery now.
I hate the hospital he is in. HATE IT!
his nurse today was a total moron and had no idea what she was doing.
she didn't even know how to get the air out of his IV line.
Which honestly pissed me off to the point I almost told her to get out!
I've also still got a lot going on with my friends and former friends.
Shit I really don't need right now. Most of it over something pointless and insignificant. which just makes it worse.
I feel like I've hit a brick wall. Completely at my wits end.
and I really just don't want to deal with anything anymore.
I don't want to go back to school.
I don't want to go back to my place of employment, however I also don't want to start over at a new place of employment.
I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything.
at all. ever.


you can all keep your rude comments to yourselves about this too.
because so help me God, if I get any bullshit feedback from this you'll regret it.