more pacemaker drama & vacation

So as you all know, my pacemaker is dying, and I've been fighting with the docs/insurance companies to get it changed.
the insurance companies like to wait until the last min (when the pacer goes into safe mode)

well I had a pacemaker check scheduled for June 19th. and my genius ass missed the appt. so I called them later that day to reschedule. we ended up rescheduling for yesterday. and (as I suspected) they decided to tell me its time for surgery, the battery needs to be replaced. well of course they tell me that then. because I was scheduled to leave for FL this morning.

anyway, these are my posts from yesterday:


"I KNEW this was going to happen!!!!!!!!!
the but NO! they wouldn't listen to me! 
pacemaker people said I need the battery replaced! 
and of course I leave for FL tomorrow morning. or at least I'm supposed to! 
UGGGGGH! they're gonna call me back in a few mins to let me know if I can still go!"


&

"UPDATE:
I officially CAN go to FL, however,
no matter what I do (in her words) "you could run a marathon and your heart rate wont get over 65"

so basically I'm not allowed to do ANYTHING remotely strenuous. wheelchair in airport. no beach walking. no kayaking, no swimming. nothing =\ which kinda sucks. but at least I can go!"

Recap: battery is in safe mode, meaning HR wont get over 65, and it is only pacing the ventricles (usually mine paces the atria as well) 

I can't really do anything physical 

my appointment with my electrophysiologist is scheduled for the 17th. and he'll probably schedule the surgery for the next day. I also still have my heart monitor on 24hrs a day for 2 more weeks due to the A-fib. 

but I'm here in FL now. so I'm a happy duck!

Clinical Depression

What people need to understand about Clinical Depression is that just because things in life may be going smoothly doesn'tt mean things inside are going just as good.
With Clinical Depression you dont need a reason to feel unhappy.
When bad things happen, it makes sufferers feel worse.
Sometimes good things may improve symptoms, but thats not always the case.

Basically what I'm getting at is; Yes, I just got home from a wonderful vacation. BUT, YES! I'm still feeling very axious, nervous, oversensitive and sad.
I don't need a reason! Thats just how it works.

Please stop harping me and telling me I should be fine. I'm not.