Happy 23rd Birthday Cindles

The memories we made will last forever.
Days and nights spent together.
Thick and thin we stood strong.
Through happiness and laughs, through struggles and tears.
Our friendship rose above it all.
The sound of your voice, the feel of your hugs,
your light that always shown through. 
I'd give anything to have that back, to see your face once more.
But I'll keep you always in my heart, until we meet again.

Happy 23rd Birthday my Beautiful CF Warrior. 
♥

I miss you. so so so so so so so much. 

it still hurts like it was yesterday. 

you mean the world to me  ♥

Breathe Easy angel 

Here it comes again

Yeah, in another 'I hate CF' mood.
went to a friend's funeral last night.
I did ok for the first few mins.
but it didnt last. I cried for about 1 1/2hrs straight.
and as we all know crying always makes breathing more difficult.
so of course I had a bit of an episode. started wheezing and gasping in the back of the room.
and I'm the idiot that left her inhaler in the car.
a random lady handed me a tissue, which didnt help the breathing situation, but it gave me something to squeeze. which helped.

one thing the deacon said hit me. he said "there is no good age to die, but 25 is way too young"

and its so true.

CF, you need to take a time out and think about what you've done.
because as it stands now, the median age for someone with CF is 37. this means that 50% of people with CF will die before that age.

with CF walk-a-thon season quickly approaching theres never been a better time to get the word out about CF. its time to get more people aware. more people donating. so that more research can be done to prolong the lives and eventually cure those with Cystic Fibrosis.



Picture I made in memory of Tina <3
4/6/85-1/23/11



LINKS OF INTEREST:

Instructional video about CF patients that Tina & her father were asked to participate in. She does a fabulous job, and her father really hits hard on the reality. its about 20mins. but its worth the watch!!

My GreatStrides donation page.

More emotions

So yeah, I had a massive meltdown yesterday morning.
well I guess it was the afternoon.
It was all triggered by no one waking me up, so I slept till 1pm. and since I take an hour in the shower, that was clearly not a good thing. since I leave the house at 2:15 to go to work. but yeah. after I got out of the shower I lost it. since it was 2pm. and my dad was not very helpful. plus I really didnt feel up to going to work, but I only have 8 sick days left for the rest of the year. so I need to not waste them. and I really didnt feel like getting the crap beat out of me by one of our confused patients. I already have scars from that one.

I guess the breakdown was really just a build up of stress.
I havnt had a real day off in weeks.
my last weekend off was the weekend ziggeh was here. I hardly sat down that whole weekend. and my last day off I spent at the hospital visiting cindy.
dont get me wrong. I love them both. but I need a break!
so today I decided to stay in bed.
I've been starting to feel crappy.

another thing adding to my crazy emotions is the fact that I suck at relationships. and I'm kinda in one now. and I dont wanna fuck it up. I dont wanna ruin our friendship if we end up not being together. I wish I could verbalize whats going through my head when I'm with him. but for some reason all I do is giggle.

I just feel kinda useless lately.

Welcome to the Jungle!

So we'll start with last Monday.

Monday: class at 10am. home at noon. at work by 2:45pm.
Tuesday: go home at 7am (yes. I did a double shift), 7:30am get in the shower. 8am go to bed. 1:45pm wake up. back at work by 2:45. 11:30pm go home!
Wednesday: class at 10am. home at noon. at work by 2:45pm. home by midnight.
Thursday: at work by 2:45pm. home by midnight.
Friday: I'm OFF! FINALLY.
Saturday: at work by 2:45pm. home by midnight.

Sunday: at work by 2:45pm. home by midnight. CRAZY FREAKIN NIGHT!!!
Monday: slept through class...slept all day.
Tuesday: work by 2:45pm. home by midnight.
Wednesday: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!!!!!!

So Wednesday. Good 'ol 4west freakin exploded!
ok, not really. but I will attempt to put it into perspective. (it wont work)

We're full. no empty beds, let alone rooms!
thats 42 patient. and yeah. there was only 2 PCTs (thats me)
ugh Running around all night cant show my face in the hall without 3 ppl calling my name. confused patients refusing to stay in bed. one guy actually pulled out of his restraints, got out of bed, grabbed the bag of his roommate's foley cath and started walking away (need I remind you the other end of the cath was still inside his roommate's bladder & penis!!!)

it was chaos like that all night.

and right as I'm about to leave. another patient. had a bit of an episode. she ripped off her oxygen, pulled out her IV, crapped all over her bed, and snapped the IV tubing. (this woman is hard to handle as shes like 90% blind, hard of hearing and VERY large.) it took 4 of us (the shift was already over for all 4 of us, but hey, what can ya do about it?) so, we finally changed the sheets and a nurse gave her atavan (I cant spell) but it didnt seem to help. because just when we thought things were calm (and we'd gone and put our coats on) I peek back in as I'm walking out. and what do I see on the floor? Urine!! she ripped out her foley cath!! GAHHH!! Thats it! I'm done! its 20mins past the end of my shift! the bloody night staff can handle this one!!


now, moving on to last night.
Well first off, they called me in early because as I've said. My floor is a freakin zoo! So I got to work at about 12:30pm. That part was relatively ok, with the exception of one combative woman who thought we were all out to get her. (I couldnt even take her temp without her flailing and screaming, she actually kicked a coworker)

so 3pm rolls around. tis my shift now. I got my vital signs done quickly and without interruption! FOR ONCE! but as soon as I finished hell broke lose! again! 3 people called my name...LITERALLY...all at the same time!!!
"Katelyn, did you get my accuchecks?"
"Katelyn, we need to change 450D"
"Katelyn, I need you to move 448W into 445W"

GAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

So accuchecks come first! Finally got those done!

"Katelyn why havent you moved 448 yet?"

GAHH!

So I move 448! Then I go back to get the rest of the furniture. and once again I'm called away!

So we're in changing a patient. the reason I say "we" and not "I" is because this is a large person who I coulnt possibly move alone.
So I'm in there changing. the patient is whining that we're hurting her.
Patient: "if I didnt have to sit in it so long it would come off easier"
Nurse A: "Katelyn when a patient has Cdif you has to expect alot of diherah and check during first rounds, her family told us shes been dirty since the begining of the shift"
I keep my mouth shut.

but now let me tell you the full story.

a) I know all about the Cdif rules, I was the one that suggested she be tested for Cdif in the firs place, after her first episode of liquid stool the night before!
b) She hadnt been sitting in it long, as I said, its LIQUID therefore, it dries faster than a solid would!
c) I did check her on first rounds and she was clean.
d) she wouldnt even know if she wasnt, as she is NEVER awake for more than 15 seconds at a time.
e) her family wasnt even there at the begining of the shift. they had just gotten there.

but like I said. I didnt say any of this to Nurse A.

This patient has no self respect at all, and had been refusing to take her meds. I mean seriously if you dont care about yourself, dont expect others to care. If you're not gonna try to get better than why bother coming to the hospital.


The whole time we're in there changing the patient I'm getting lectured about things I already know. and have already done. having orders barked at me like I'm stupid.
While this nurse is just tossing things about and shoving things aside, making a disaster of the room I spent like 20mins cleaning and organizing the night before. Then she sends me out to get another pack of whipes, so I take off my gown & gloves and go wash my hands with soap and water, not the sanitizer (because these are the rules of Cdif) while I'm washing the nurse barks "Hurry it up a bit" so I do. I go and get the whipes. As I come back with them she says "before you get a gown back on go grab some diapers" And I do. (all this running back and forth is normal, but usually I get a bit more appreciation, or thanks, or at least spoken to like a person. but this time, the tone in her voice, its like shes talking to a freakin dog!) I start crying. I'm standing outside the room hold the diapers, crying. Finally I open the door. Slip in, put them on the chair, and run back out.

I go around the corner, off my unit and just sob. for like 10mins. Then, Nurse B. (a very nice nurse) comes running over and pulls me out of sight, and does the whole "are you ok?" "whats wrong?" "what happened?" thing. and I realize I'm being pathetic. I whipe my face but tears just keep coming. I explain somewhat to her. and also explain that I dont blame Nurse A, and I know its just a crazy night. but it still got to me. Nurse B understands, and tells me I can always talk to the nursing manager if its something I really have a problem with.

I pull myself together slightly and go back to my unit. Mary (my fellow PCT) comes out and sees me, and hugs me. and tells me "its all part of the learning experience, and mistakes will be made (which slightly bugs me because I didnt make a mistake, but she doesnt know that, so I let it go) ok, maybe I made a mistake by crying at work. but whatever. Then Mary leaves for dinner. So I wander down to the locker room so wash my face off. (being stopped 3 times by ppl asking whats wrong, since my eyes are still falling out of my face)

I leave the locker room. and go back about my work. Its dinner time for the patients so I just go down the hallway and ask the patients if they're ok, and if they need anything. I get into the room of who I think is one of only 2 mentally stable patients on my side of the unit as of then. (now I think theres 4 sane ppl) so I go in. and I ask her the usual questions, she asks for some soup as hers has been boiled over in th kitchen and delivered to her almost empty. I tell her I'll go see if I can accuire some fresh tomatoe soup. and I guess I had a hint of 'crying' still in my voice cuz she goes "whats wrong hunny?" and I nearly start crying all over again. Its never good when a patient sees/hears/knows you're crying.

When Mary comes back from dinner she hands me a Hersey bar an I grin. She laughs and says "you're never hard to please" and I agree. and laugh.

Anyway. the rest of the night went ok. was still crazy, but not bad.

soooooo yeah. Now I'm getting ready to go back to work. again.
at least I'm off this weekend.